I'd do (almost) anything to get her back

You see, I slug to work. Slugging is a unique form of commuting. You stand in a line at a designated spot and then get in a car with a complete stranger. Its completely safe, let me assure you (at least, that's what I tell myself, my wife, and my mothers). This allows the driver to take the HOV lane and provides me with a free ride to work.

Today I got to the Park & Ride and stood in line at the "slug stand". I waited for my informal chauffeur to whisk me away to the halls of boredom/ unstaffed consulting work. On a side note: its really quite amazing what people will tell you about their personal lives when they don't think they'll see you again.

So I'm riding with these two ladies who are complaining about everything. She drops me off. I grab my briefcase (only my briefcase), step out of the car, close the door, and then had an epiphany. My lunch was still in her backseat! I scrambled! I yelled! I waved! It was like a scene from a terribly depressing movie when somebody leaves someone that cares about them dearly. She noticed not. I stood there, depressed, with an empty hand that should have been holding my noon-time meal.

My lunches are special to me because Becky packs them every morning with love. She knows how much I like to eat and I know how much she likes to sleep. She gets up earlier than necessary to make me a lunch of perfect proportions. Its never too much and never too little. Its just enough to keep me going. I look forward to sinking my teeth into the soft bread, tasting the mayo and mustard, pushing the deli meat and cheese off the roof of my mouth, and smiling from ear to ear. I love crunching unashamedly on my Dorritos Cooler Ranch chips one at a time. And who doesn't eat a bag of peanut M&Ms at 4:00PM everyday?

And today I would not. In my sadness, I wrote the following.


Ode to Roast Beef

Roast beef with mayo, mustard, and Swiss
Blue dorritos, peanut M&Ms, and cookies I'll miss
Packed with tender love and care
Now with a stranger your goodness I'll share

I sat and listened to them complain
Not knowing our time would soon wain
I grabbed my briefcase and opened the door
Stepped on the street and held you no more

At 12:05 I'll miss you the most
My stomach on empty, no lunch to boast
Mid-afternoon snack stolen from me
By the black woman who's voting for Obama because he was endorsed by Oprah Winfrey

Why did I leave you and where did she go?
Why I've forsaken you I do not know
But let me assure you that tomorrow's meal
Will not take your place, my heart will not heal

For you were my lunch on this day
Your meat will not spoil, this I pray
My brown bag friend it was a pleasure
My heart longs for my roast beef treasure

Taken from me before your time
Your packages value around 40 dime
Your aroma of wheat, condiments, and cheese
Take care of my sandwich please!

If you must eat her, do so with glee
Thank the Lord for this meal and think of me.
I'll be alone when the clock strikes one
A lover left too soon, a life left undone.